Cubicle Reminders

Yes, I currently have my own "office", a fairly nice corner cubicle with a window (albeit behind me, with a lovely view of the sky, parking lot, maintenance bays and reactor deck). I rarely look out the window because it's higher than the desk level, and because the furniture is arranged so my back is to the window; there's just no other good way to do it, but it's bad.

I have shelves and drawers and stashes of tea bags, etc, and even a very nice electric tea kettle that I can't use at home during the winter becasue of electricity issues. I can come and go pretty much as I please, with the bathroom down the hall and the break room down the hall the other way. I have pictures of WF and Bean on the wall, along with a little bit of Sivertson's calendar art and misc stuff. It is my space, but I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS SPACE ANYMORE!

I can see that I was much more vital in the past, with a bit more active to-do lists, etc. I know I was once much more enthusiastic to have this job, more motivated to do things, more appreciative of the structure and co-workers and larger organization I was proud to be a part of. I still think it is a good place to work, and I've been very lucky with many of the flexibility elements that I have, even if some of them make me feel really guilty.

But here I am, trying to get busy, just NOT wanting to do these work things. The cubicle definitely has a stale energy aspect to it, and the feng shui is just not right. I have spent far too much time here feeling sad, guilty, frustrated, tired, bored, guilty, sad, frustrated, etc etc etc. Enough!! I know I could feel like that somewhere else, too, or even worse, but I'm feeling moved to leave this place behind and strike out on my own somewhere else. Yes, perhaps scary, it's a risk, but it's so time. I'm so lucky to have this opportunity.

This space will be really nice for someone else. Yes, I will miss this place in town, this possiblity of a locker and a cup of tea and even as shower, but those are not reasons to tie myself to a place I do not like, where I no longer feel useful, where the even mundane, easy work takes monumental self-convincing to get done most days.

So, nice as it is to have a "home base" in town, self, PLEASE do not lament the loss of this space in the future. I will have different home bases, mobile home bases, locations with free wifi and drinking fountains and restrooms; it will be OK. I may not have regular co-workers, but I will have LLL associates, WF, Bean, Mothersong, maybe ECFE, maybe other mother's groups. It will be so good.

And now, I go and try to make myself do some more "official" work writing. Because we do all have the right to work that excites us, but we also just have to do some mundane, not-so-bad things, too, eh?