Day One

So, today is the first day of the rest of my life, heh. That's how WF greeted me yesterday. So, today, I went for a walk in the woods with Bean on my back, and it was good. I felt so much more open, like I could finally think and absorb my surroundings. It was beautiful, a perfect weather day. I even felt benevolent toward leaving someday, maybe soon, leaving to to someone who would take care of it.

Bean feel asleep, and I was drawn into little forays into the state land, nothing too daring. Then, I came across a neon yellow golf ball, sitting in the middle of a downed log on the ground; not an easy place to see, nowhere near anywhere someone might be hitting golf balls. Oddly disturbing, because it was so out of place. Cancer? But naw, not growing, just sitting. I picked it up, because how could I not?

But I guess I got distracted and ended up off the vague trail, and then wandered completely off the trail! I got good and throughly lost, actually. Bean was asleep as I bushwacked through progressively thicker brush. I found a little stream, more open areas, stumps, more big ferns, alder thickets, and finally an old barbed wire fence that led me out toward the road, south of Rosie's house! Wow. What did THAT mean?

I can only guess that it perhaps was a message; be careful and watch the path, or you'll end up wandering in the wilderness for a while. I couldn't give up, even though I was getting a bit scared and just wanted to be home (Bean is getting heavy!) I felt really and truly lost, and I suppose I was. But then I did follow a few guides (like road noise and barking dog) and ended up not where I expected, but somewhere workable, nonetheless. I got home, we were fine, it was a nice adventure.

Huh. This universe is pretty darn smart! I will perserve, even if I get a couple "votes of no confidence" like from Susie today, who called me about a meeting tomorrow at a low moment, and I confessed I was not sure how I'd handle being home with a toddler and a cat every day. She told me that it would not live up to my fond expectations, but that nothing would. Gee, thanks.

But even if I had tired moments and missed the expected nap window for productivity today, we also had some very good times; in the woods, on the bed, nursing on the floor, laughing in the yard and on the deck. Kelton is my love, my son, my bean, my lovey-bean. I can focus more on being his momma now, and on being the best momma I can be. Blessed be!